Thursday, November 18, 2010


According to an article I read recently, we might be running out of chocolate. To quote one of my favorite bloggers: PANIC!

As a chocoholic, I find the threat of a chocopocalypse deeply distressing. I use chocolate as a stress-reliever, an anti-depressant, a motivator and a reward for productivity--essentially, for everything, always.

As a word nerd, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to write about this to give myself the excuse to make the lovely porte-manteau in the title. Sorry y'all.

Fortunately, unlike in the case of endangered honey and mysteriously vanishing bees, a chocopocalypse is still reversible. Basically, the cocoa plant is a pain in the ass to grow, and not profitable enough considering the effort, so farmers abandon it in favor of alternate cash crops. The result is that the current demand is overwhelming the supply, so unless something changes, we'll eat through our stores until there is nary a Worther Bud or a Nestle Bittersweet chip left to nosh on.

In conclusion, savor those Hersheys bars (except Hersheys is honestly pretty shit, so I'd go Godiva or at least Cadbury's if I were you, but to each her own indulgence). You never know, a few years from now our children could be asking us "you actually tried chocolate?!?" in the same way we incredulously ask our parents if they remember life without color tv. By that point, there will be a whole new level of the "fiction" of Charlie's Chocolate Factory and Chocolat beyond oompa loompas and impossibly debonair river gypsies. And I have to admit, the death by chocolate river drowning (à la Augustus Gloop) will not seem nearly so horrible in the face of a chocolate-less existence.

1 comment:

  1. NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm about to go stuff my face with chocolate. This makes me want to cry!!